iSad
by usuallybored
Summary: I realized something the day she died. I realized when her eyes closed eternally, that I died to. I'm not Freddie Benson anymore. I'm the unloved male version of Samantha Puckett. Fun what happens when I proposed, eh? T for character death.


If someone asked me the other day, if I was happy. If I regretted anything. I know my exact answer. I don't really see anyone doing that, but still. Just the other day, nothing could make me sad. Not one thing ever. I was the happiest man alive. I had a beautiful girl. THE most beautiful amazing girl in the world. I knew other people would and could argue with that. I called her my blonde headed demon, and she called me her nub. That's just how we rolled. Notice how there is a 'ed' at the end of rolled. As in the past. Just the other day, also another key fact.

You see, she's not here anymore. I knew we were young, but I know I would never hurt her, I love her to much for that. She's my life. My only life. And if she has no life, then I have no life. Because I love her. And that's all that matters.

I bet your confused right now so let me clear some things up for you. My name is Freddie Benson, I'm 18 years old. The girl I'm talking about, Samantha Puckett. 19 years old. Just turned 19 actually. Just the other day she turned 19. And she will never get older than a few days over 19. Ever. Because Sam Puckett is gone, and it's my fault. I bet you really want to know what's going on.

Well let's start from several days ago. …

"Oh, I'm so nervous."

"Don't be nervous Freddie."

"But-"

"I SAID DON'T BE NERVOUS!" Carly screamed.

"What's the dork not supposed to be nervous about."

"Nothing!" Freddie said all to quickly to his girlfriend.

"I would hurt you to know what's going on, but Mama wants her bacon."

"Sure Sam. Right on it." Freddie said yet again to quickly. He just knew he couldn't stay in the same room, or he'd spill.

"What's up with the tech nerd?" Sam questioned Carly.

"Don't know what you are speaking of Sam."

"Don't lie to me Shay."

"Okay fine, it has to do with your 19th birthday. But that is all I'm saying!"

"UGH! Whatever." And with that she flopped on the couch.

"Your bacon, Princess Puckett." He said handing her the bacon.

Who knew that would be the last time Sam Puckett had bacon.

(warning: this is where the sad part truly begins.)

"No." It barely came out as a whisper. "She would never. I mean- she- she wouldn't let anything take her away from me!" WHY! WHY! WHY WOULD THIS HAPPEN TO ME! "CARLY SHE'D NEVER DO THAT TO ME!"

"FREDDIE! CALM DOWN! She didn't mean for this to happen!"

"It's my fault." I said calmly.

"No it's not."

"Yes, it is."

"How could it be your fault?"

"Do you know why?"

"Why what?"

"Do you know why she was ki- why she's not here anymore?"

(warning: to the sensitive and people who get emotional when reading sad stories, stop reading. You've been warned.)

"All I know was she was shot."

"It was my fault they shot her. I should have jumped in front of her. But I ran, thinking she was following me. I'M AN IDIOT!"

"HOW IS IT YOUR FAULT THEY SHOT HER THOUGH?"

"You want the truth?"

"Yes."

"When I proposed earlier in the day, I didn't have a ring. I told her I couldn't afford one, and she said she didn't want to wait until I had enough. So she told me she knew what to do. I knew what she was implying, but I did nothing to stop her."

"She robbed people!"

"Not just any people, the most wanted criminals in Seattle."

"Oh my god."

"And the worst part, I helped her."

"SHUT UP!"

"What?"

"IT IS YOUR FAULT! IT'S YOUR FAULT SHE'S DEAD!"

"Don't yell in front of her."

And I looked at her. So peaceful. Surrounded by white and cords and those bag things to give you blood. Nothing helped. None of the surgery, none of that blood, or the breathing machines, or the cords or anything. And now she would never do anything again.

She'd never beat up Gibby again. She'd never hold my hand again, or hug me, or kiss me. She'd never tell me a secret that she never told anyone again. I saw the vulnerable side of Sam, a side no one has ever or will ever see. That's when it truly set in.

Sam is dead. She's gone. I'll never see her smile, hear her laugh, and it was my fault for not discouraging her. For proposing in the first place, for not protecting her. It's my fault.

-2 months later-

I have had a lot of time to think. In that time I realized Sam wasn't the only one that died that day. I died that day. My life was over the second her eyes closed eternally. I'm not Freddie anymore. I'm the unloved male version of Samantha Puckett. I'm what Sam would have been if it weren't for me and Carly.

When Sam died. When I died, my life died to. Carly hates me. Spencer is obviously going to side with Carly. My mom doesn't like who I've become so she kicked me out. I go to school if I feel like it. Which is only when I need free food.

I live in alleyways. And now, I'm going to live in jail. It was one of those days like a month ago. Before I became this. what I am now. It was when, I sat on my bed all day, doing nothing but think and dream that Sam was with me.

But now, I don't dream. Dreaming is for people who have hope. And me, I don't have hope, I don't care anymore, so what's the point of dreaming. If she's not a part of my life, it will never be good. To see Sam for real, would be my old dreams coming true. But I know it doesn't. I don't care about anything, except Sam. I go to her grave whenever I get the chance. I live at her grave. I sleep on top of where she's buried. The few times I do sleep.

Anyways, it was one of those day where I sit where Sam's feet would be 6 feet below me. And I'd talked to her. Tell her of my day. I felt her happiness that I was talking to her, but I also felt her frown at who I've become. It was one of those days that my talking to her or thinking led me to hate everything. To hate the world. And I knew that guy had to feel my pain. Someone was going to feel the pain Sam felt. So I stood up and told Sam, I might see her in a little while.

So I walked down the street, to some store. I don't know the name of it, but I knew what it sold. So I bought it. The man at the cash register gave me a strange look, and I shrugged. He didn't question anymore because I gave him some extra money. I left the store, stashing my item in the side of my khaki pants, where no one would notice it. I didn't know who, and I didn't care. As long as someone felt my anger. No.

More than one. I knew what I was doing was stupid, and I knew I had two consequences. Get killed, or go to jail. So I walked to the same street that Sam was killed. I hid in the alleyway, where those sons of beeches (not allowed to swear) hid.

I looked at my first victim. I grabbed her, and pulled her into the alleyway. Her big blue eyes started to tear up, she knew what was going to happen to her. Her eyes, they were like Sam's. I almost stopped myself. But instead I pulled her further down they alleyway.

'Listen. Don't scream. Or it will only be worse for you. I'm actually going to be nice and make it as painless as possible."

"Why?"

"What?"

"Why me? What did I do to deserve this?"

"What did Sam do? What did Samantha Puckett do to deserve getting shot? huh? When did those guys get a right to kill her and me?"

"Oh. I get it."

"You do?"

"Yeah, you're letting it out, and you feel that by killing me you would letting someone feel the pain you and that girl felt."

"I don't get it, you're not getting scared, I'm about to kill you, you're young, like 20, and you're not scared?"

"I know there's really no way to stop my fate, so I'm just making the best of it."

"Oh. So then I'll make this less painful then it needs to be. And to be nice, call the person you love the most and say goodbye."

"Oh thank you!" She took out her phone and dialed furiously. "Hiya babe. Yeah, I got it. But I'll never be able to give it to you. Yes I love you. But, I'll never see you again. I love you. No I'm not breaking up with you. I love you. Charles I love you. But I'm going to get killed. No. Wrong place, wrong time. Don't let this ruin your life. Move on. Do you promise? Good. I love you. Goodbye." And she hung up quickly.

"Boyfriend?"

"Fiancé."

"Sam was my fiancé to."

"So this is like a rerun?"

"Sort of."

"I don't mean to be rude but can you get it over with?"

"Sure?" Then I smacked her in the head with the gun. So she was knocked out. Then took the gun out of my pocket and pointed it at her. But I hesitated. This was my last chance. My last chance to drop the gun and run. I could go back to my life, try to fix everything. Move back in with mom, try to get carly and Spencer back. Make new friends. But there was no part of that list that involved Sam. So, I knew what I had to do.

My finger started pulling back. And the noise I heard, seemed much louder as the first time I heard it. When I heard it the first time, the world was going slow motion. The only thing I heard that time was Sam screaming my name.

Then I looked down. I just killed her. And for some horrible reason, it felt good. I hadn't felt so good since Sam was alive.

I ran down the alleyway and just randomly shot 6 people, and injured another. The feeling was amazing. I was on a killing spree. It was like a massacre. Then I stopped to think. And to regret. Look at what I had become because Sam was shot. How do I know that first girl's fiancé wouldn't become like that. I could have just killed so many people, just like what happened to me.

I heard sirens in the distance. And I ran. When the cops were right behind me I started randomly shooting behind my shoulder. One cop jumped out of the car as it slowed down and pointed his gun at me and I shot him. Someone else was dead. Finally though I got tired and thought I was far enough away from the road. Obviously not. A cop ran up from behind, somehow I got a few punches and kicks at him, and he somehow got the handcuffs on me. He told me there was no reason for court, because they had proof from someone taking a video with their cell phone, that I killed a lot of people. He told me I had life in prison during the car ride.

-3 years later-

Since I was pushed in the cell and it locked behind me, my life has been a blur. I can remember some specifics, but nothing worth telling you about. My cell mate, is Paco. He's been here for 10 years. There's no life left in him. He has nothing anymore. And that's like me. I have no reason to be alive. Not one. I was truly dead now. I had no social life out of jail. And I was highly respected by the other inmates. Mainly because, I was smart and I got bored often.

When I got bored I came up with escape plans. I don't feel like using them, but I gave them to my closest 'friends' and usually never hear from them again. Apparently, a lot of the inmates staying in my area have been on good behavior, so we got a special privilege, we get to watch the news from the day before. The cops have to edit it. I don't know what they take out and I don't care.

I was walking towards the T.V. room. I took my assigned seat in the front. The cop turned on the DVD of yesterdays newscast. And when I saw the picture I couldn't take my eyes or ears away from the screen. It was a picture of the cemetery.

Shady Hill Cemetery.

The place Sam is in. _In other news, Shady Hill Cemetery is going to be closed and destroyed. An amusement park is going to built over it. We have invited some people to say goodbye to their loved ones here. Before they are built on top of. _

NO! I had to get out of here. I had to say bye to Sam. Some of the inmates got excited when they saw my face. They knew that face, it was my 'thinking of my latest escape plan' face. Soon the cops took us back to our cells and I sat on my bed. Or what these people thought could pass as a bed. I thought. I thought for a long time and finally, I told Paco. "Nice knowin ya bud."

"Same to you Benny." For some reason that was my nickname here. (Sorry, I'm not good at writing this part. I've tried it a bunch but ended deleting it because it was so bad and cheesy and stupid and bad. Sorry, use your imagination.)

-two days later-

My escape plan had worked, but it was a long walk to the cemetery. So I was just getting there now. Now is also when I heard that cursed noise. That stupid siren was so dang annoying! I broke out into run. That's when they caught up to me. So I ran faster. I ran in the cemetery. That's when six cops started chasing me on foot. They got within a hundred feet when I reached Sam's grave. I slid to it. Kissing the ground telling her I loved her. That's when I was killed. Shot by a cop on top of my fiancé's grave. How many people can say that huh? Well I can't because Dead Men Tell No Tales.

And to tell you truthfully, I never could believe that Heaven was real. Or God for that matter. When Sam was killed we both believed in him, but that changed for me. Why would God take her away from if I believed in him? So I lost faith. I didn't believe in anything. I had no life, no hope, no faith, nothing, notta. So what better was I when I was alive from now when I'm dead? Either way I'm dead. And there is no heaven. It's like you're sleeping the whole time. You either dream or you have nightmares. And it was strange. I didn't have either. So imagine how bored I got. A dead person who has to lie there and do nothing until the world ends. Trust me in 3 million years, I would have ripped off all my hair.

Isn't it horrible that this happened? That my fiancé was shot, I died on the inside, my life was ruined, I had no friends, I ruined other people's lives? Killed people, went to jail, was a fugitive for two days, and got shot, all because I proposed? Well this is going to be fun. I love ya Sam.

_I love you too Freddie._

**Well that's where it ends. If you want a sequel, a little bit happier, let me know. **


End file.
